THEATRICAL [PERSONNEL] STRUCTURE

by Diane Lewis, Knight Ridder Newspapers

Producer:

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.

Is more powerful than a locomotive.

Is faster than a speeding bullet.

Walks on water.

Gives policy to God.

Director:

Leaps short buildings in a single bound.

Is more powerful than a switch engine.

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.

Walks on water if the sea is calm.

Talks with God.

Playwright:

Leaps short buildings with a running start.

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.

Is faster than a speeding BB.

Swims well.

Is occasionally addressed by God.

Actor:

Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.

Is run over by locomotives.

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.

Dog paddles.

Talks to animals.

Chorus:

Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings.

Says "Look at the choo-choo."

Wets himself with a water pistol.

Plays in mud puddles.

Mumbles to himself.

Stage Manager:

Lifts buildings and walks under them.

Kicks locomotives off the track.

Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth and eats them.

Freezes water with a single glance.

IS GOD.