THE WORD ACCORDING TO TECHIES
(Courtesy of Yale University Theater)
This article has no intention of offending anyone. It is offered completely tongue-in-cheek, so put on your sense of humor, sit back, and enjoy!
GENESIS -- In the beginning there was the Stage, and the Stage was without lights or sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And the Director said, "Let there be Lights!" and the TECHIES worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting -- yea, lights of all shapes, sizes, and hues. And the Director saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was there darkness of the faces of the actors. And it was good. And the evening and morning were the First Day.
And the Director looked upon the actors and saw that although they walked in light, they did walk upon a bare stage, and had no place to be, and the Director was moved to pity and the Director said, "Let there be a set!"; and the TECHIES scrambled and worked, and there was a set, with platforms, wagons, stairs, and furniture of various types and sizes according to the need, and the actors did walk within the set, and did have a place to be, and the Director saw the set, that it was good, and the evening and the morning were the Second Day.
And the Director saw the actors, that although they did have a place to be, they did look like fools for they waved their hands, clutched at open air, and struck each other with nothing. And in his heart, the Director was moved to pity, and the Director said, "Let there be Props!"; and the TECHIES worked feverishly and did buy and build, and there were props. And they were good and the evening and the morning were the Third Day.
And the Costumer looked upon the actors, and saw that they did go forth in blue jeans and the Costumer knew that this would not do. And the Costumer said, "Let there be Costumes!"; and the TECHIES did cut and sew and shape and there were costumes, each sized to the actor, according to the play, and keeping in with the role. And no more did the actors go forth in blue jeans and the Costumer saw the costumes, that they were good and evening and the morning were the Fourth Day.
And the Director watched the play and saw that the actors did wait in silence, and was moved to pity, and the Director said, "Let there be Sound!"; and the TECHIES found sounds and and put them in place and cue, all at the proper levels. And the Director heard the sounds, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the Fifth Day. And lo, all these works were completed in five days, showing that if God had used sufficient TECHIES in the first place, He would have finished sooner.
WORD TO THE TECHIES -- Remember always that thou art a TECHIE, born to walk the dark places of the stage, and know the secret ways of thy equipment. To your hands it is given to mold the dreams and thoughts of they that watch and to make thy Stage a separate place and time. Seek not, as do the actors, to go forth in light upon the stage, for though they strut and talk and put on airs, their craft does truly depend on you, to shape the dreams that they would show. Remember also that although they depend on you, you exist only to aid them. Remember that thou art a team.
My friends, be not deceived by deluded actors masquerading as TECHIES. Remember always the signs with which thou shalt recognize a true TECHIE: they move softly during scene changes, not stumbling or falling; they are silent backstage and are aware of what is happening; they can speak with knowledge of Tools; they respect another's job and aid where they can; they do not just stand and watch.