• Laurie Swigart

FUN WITH HAMLET - DICK AND JANE STYLE

Author Unknown


See the man. What a funny man. His name is Hamlet. are you sad, Hamlet?


"I am sad for my father has died," says Hamlet. was the king."

Where are you going, Hamlet?


"I am going to the castle." says Hamlet.


* * *


"Boo.'" says the ghost.


"What is your name, you silly ghost?" asks Hamlet, clapping his hands.


"I am your father," says the ghost. "I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king. He gave me poison. Will you avenge me, Hamlet?"


"Oh, yes," says Hamlet. I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you."


On the way he meets a girl.


"Where are you going?" asks the girl.


"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet. "My name is Ophelia," says the girl.


"Why are you laughing?" asks Hamlet. "You are a silly girl."


"I laugh because you are so funny," says Ophelia. "I laugh because you are schizophrenic."


"I pretend I am schizophrenic," says Hamlet, laughing and clapping his hands.


See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run. He is going to his mother's room.


* * *


"I have something to tell you, mother," says Hamlet. "Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good."


"Oh! There is Uncle Claudius. He is hiding behind the curtain. I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain!"


See Hamlet draw his sword. See him stab. Stab, Hamlet, stab.


See Uncle Claudius' blood. See Uncle Claudius' blood gush. Gush, blood, gush. Ha. Ha. Ha.


But it is not Uncle Claudius. It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia's father.


"You are naughty, Hamlet." says Hamlet's mother. But Hamlet's mother is not cross. Hamlet is a good boy. She loves Hamlet. Hamlet loves his mother very much. Does Hamlet love his mother a little too much?


See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.


"I am going to find Uncle Claudius." cries Hamlet.


* * *


On the way he passes a brook. Ophelia is drowning..


"Where are you going?" asks Ophelia.


"I am going to find Uncle Claudius."


"Glub . . glub... glub," says Ophelia.


* * *

Later Hamlet meets a man. His name is Laertes.


"Oh! Ho!" says Laertes. "Let us draw our swords. Let us duel!"


See Hamlet and Laertes duel. See Laertes stab Hamlet. See Hamlet stab Laertes.


See Hamlet's mother drink poison. See Hamlet stab Uncle Claudius. See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead. What fun they are having!


Wouldn't you like to play like that?


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