How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
Do we really have to have another light bulb? It's not in the budget, you know.

How many playwrights does it take to change a light bulb?
Change? Change? Why does it have to change? It's perfect just the way it is.

How many Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. No, five. No, you go away -- four. YES! Four! Perfect! I think...

How many stage managers does it take to change a...
Never mind. It's done.

How many set designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it really have to be a light bulb?

How many lighting designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Why bother, the actress can't find the light anyway.

How many props masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb!? No one told me they put a lamp on the set.

How many theatre students does it take to change a light bulb?
Uh, what's the deadline, 'cause I may need and extension.

How many lighting techs does it take to change a light bulb?
It's not a bulb, it's a lamp, stupid.

How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to change the bulb, and the rest to talk about how much
better they could have done it.

How many performance artists does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know. I left before the first act was over.

How many theatre critics does it take to change a light bulb?
One to be highly critical of the design elements, one to express contempt
for the glow of the lamp, one to lambaste the wattage used, one to discuss
at length his interpretation of wattage used, one to observe how trite the use
of a light bulb was, one to critique the performance of the bulb itself, one
to recall superb light bulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails
to measure up, and all to join in the refrain, reflecting on how they could
build a better light bulb in their sleep.

How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to do it, on child to cry all through Act I, one to loudly say,
"LOOK ROSE. HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB," and one to frantically
ty to silence their cell phone as it plays the Hallelujah Chorus.